"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong"
2 Corinthians 12:10

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Secret

Most of my friends do not know that I was diagnosed 4 years ago with a disorder called Neurocardiogenic Syncope (NCS). I also have super-ventricular tachycardia, coronary spasms, and Irritable Bowl Syndrome (IBS). I have lived with IBS since I was 21 but since January of this year it has really became unmanageable. I don't talk about my NCS with very many people because it is too complicated to explain and you get the looks of "What in the world is that". Even doctors will ask "can you spell that for me so I can look it up?" It is very frustrating to live with something that not a lot of people have heard of so I have chose to just keep it a secret.

Now I have to let the secret out because it has taken over my life and has made it almost impossible to live a normal life. In the past few weeks I have went from being able to function normally to passing out at least once a day and now I cannot drive for fear of endangering lives. I am also having to quit work because I can't even function at home let alone in a work environment. My independence has been pulled out from under me like a rug.

A little incite into this horrible disorder: my blood pressure goes from high to bottoming out in a matter of minutes and I end up passing out. This happens for no apparent reason or without any warning. My heart rate goes from 110 - 165 a split second and I feel like my heart is going to stop then I start having chest pains. I have added a link to this page: http://www.dinet.org so anyone can read more about this disorder.

This blog is not meant to make people feel sorry for me but to educate people on this disorder. It will also help me to deal with my own feelings about having to quit work and having my independence restricted. I am a Christian and I am trying very hard to trust God and to let him take this from me. I am also human and it is a daily struggle to do that. I have taken up reading my Bible every morning before my feet even hit the floor so that I can begin my day without any self pity and with a renewed strength that this is really happening and God knows what he is doing. He will always be there for me I only have but to ask.

My next question is, What does he have in store for me? What is it that he has planned for me? I know he has a purpose for me and it is obviously not the one I had for myself. I am going to remind myself daily and pray often for that purpose to be revealed to me and for me to keep my mouth shut and my ears open so I can hear when he calls to me.

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