"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong"
2 Corinthians 12:10

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

So Many Bad Seasons

This bad season in my life has lasted so much longer than I wanted it to.  The sickness overtakes my body, mind, and spirit.  It is always present even in sleep.  I wake up often in the night in pain, with my heart racing, or just to run to the bathroom.  There is never a break from it.  I am reminded of my limitation every time I try to do the simplest things.  There is no end in sight.

I have another diagnosis to add to the long list of chronic illness's.  It's called lymphocytic colitis.  Wikipedia says it is a rare condition characterized by chronic non-bloody diarrhea.  The colonoscopy is normal but the mucosal biopsy reveals an accumulation of lymphocytes in the colonic epithelium and connective tissue.  The cause of this condition is not known and the outlook is unclear in persons with this condition. I call it a walking hell.  Sigh........if it is "rare" then it looks like I am going to have it.  My doctor thinks it is linked with the EDS (hence the connective tissue problems).  She also says that all we can do is treat the symptoms as they present themselves.  Hmmm, that must mean that I will always have to wear adult diapers when I leave my home due to the CONSTANT potty trot's that I have.  (that was probably way too much information for you all but I'm on a roll)  I can't express just how tired I am of being sick.

I pray so hard for God to heal me.  I know he can if he wants to.  This bad season in my life will end eventually, right?  I have hope that it will end but deep in my heart I don't think it will.  I just have to keep praying and reading my Bible and leaning on God's shoulders.  He will take care of me and he is the only one who can carry me through this very long season of sickness.

Hebrews 10:23
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."


athelda said...

Please continue to trust in God and to be encouraged! People need to hear stories like yours. If nothing else they should learn the importance of simply being thankful. You're in my prayers.


~Jan~ said...

Oh Crystal! I feel for you! I had written a good long comment and it did not save when I tried to post it. Please view my blog at http://alwaysleaveroomforgrace.blogspot.com and follow it (I followed you from blogfrog/incourage) and I will send you a message letting you know what I wrote that was lost. (your profile won't let me send a message unless you're following me :)

Kelli- AdventurezInChild'Rearing said...

found you on blog frog - following via gfc - I'm a Christian homeschool mama of 3 boys - with RA - praying and waiting on my healing- dealing with the pain every day & trying hard to do my best for my boys (even if that means we do school in bed with mommy sometimes) we make it work - the hardest part is making sure I don't let the pain make me snappy when little boys do little boy things :) God bless you - He does want to heal us! I like to think of the woman in the crowd who reached out to grab his cloak as he walked by - He told her "your faith has made you well" big cyber hugs! look forward to encouraging each other.

Barry said...

You have heard me say this before, I imagine, but it is a slogan I love to repeat: "Sometimes God chooses to calm the storm. Other times God chooses to calme the child CAUGHT in the storm". Seems very obvious to me, watching you these past 4 years, that you have definitely learned a lot of skills from God about how to find calm in the storm.

Barry said...

I don't know why God chooses not to always heal us physically. Is it because He knows it will all be worth it when we get home? Is it, like Paul in II Cor. 12, that he wants us to lean more on Him, because if so, then there have been many times I wanted to tell Him, "okay, whatever you are trying to tell me, I've got it, so let's please move on!" Is it so we can be a model to others, because frankly I don't really WANT to be a "model to others" if it means real hardship. The point is, God didn't tell Job why he had to suffer and he doesn't tell us either.
I do wonder about this though: should the question be " Why did God allow me to get so ill after I returned to Him and started living for Him?" or should it be, "Did God know the illness that was going to happen to me, so He led me to start living for Him beforehand so I could learn to lean on Him during my illness?"

I used to get so mad at God when I would get a little extra money from a bonus or something, then He would take it away soon afterward by letting the car transmission go bad, or the house furnace break. Then one day I suddenly realized that maybe, because he KNEW the transmission was about to break, he let me obtain a little money BEFOREHAND". I quit blaming Him and started thanking Him- most of the time anyway :).